


a life we can never reclaim

by opalitegalaxy



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: F/M, Fluff and Angst, Spoilers for Chapter 106
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-13
Updated: 2019-05-13
Packaged: 2020-03-02 19:44:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 996
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18817723
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/opalitegalaxy/pseuds/opalitegalaxy
Summary: Finally you risked a look at his eyes. Soft. That recognizable sparkle of passion almost began to flicker to life amongst the ocean of green and blue once more, and you were overwhelmed with the feeling of coming home after a long day. You wouldn't be so pathetic as to cry now.





	a life we can never reclaim

**Author's Note:**

> Reread some old chapters and got inspired. Still new to this whole writing business, much less angst, so hopefully you enjoy!

Never before had such a silence passed between yourself and Eren. It was deeply uncomfortable, like a thousand fire ants slowly eating away at your skin. Eren always had something to say, even outside of his waxing poetic about the odd beauty he found in the way titan flesh gave in to his superior strength. Quiet was something you hadn't known since the day you willingly followed him into the Scouts and onto enemy territory. He used to talk you to sleep with vivid tales of what could be out there; mountains of ice and dunes of sand and flowers in colours nobody had ever seen before.  
  
It seemed as though the life had been siphoned straight from him. He was hunched over the sink, holding the porcelain with a white-knuckled grip and staring into the mirror as though he was witnessing every bloody second of humanity's fate play out on the grimy metal. Broad shoulders were tensed; he was waiting for another lecture.  
  
You wanted to give him one, wanted to manifest inside the cell and beat him until he bled. You wanted to make him feel an ounce of the agony you'd felt over those long months, watching every sunset just to mark another tally on days spent wondering if he was still breathing or if he was already in the grip of those who'd throw him into a mindless titan's mouth without a moment of hesitation.  
  
But you knew better than to throw more fuel to the fire. No need to make the situation more volatile when he was clearly right in front of you. Breathing. Alive.  
  
"You're looking well."  
  
Eren's head dropped forward, hands momentarily tightening. Already on the defensive with three words.  
  
"I'm glad."  
  
A wavering sigh rattled off the damp cell walls and he finally pushed off the sink, coming to face you from the other side of the iron bars. The shadows under his eyes were beginning to fade at least, even if the blank look of defeat in them was still present.  
  
"I'm surprised they let you in here."  
  
You found yourself fidgeting under his gaze. Nervous, like the first time you'd been paired up for hand-to-hand combat drills and he'd analysed every aspect of you with a sliver of respect. Like the first time he'd impulsively took you by the waist and kissed you so damn gently you wondered if Eren had been switched out for an imposter overnight.  
  
"The Commander was very understanding." You were picking at your nails again; a nasty habit, but anything to avoid buckling under his scrutinization. "She knew I wouldn't come here to provoke you, so I was given permission for a visit. One-time only though."  
  
Eren said nothing, and the uneasy energy rattling in your stomach began to lick at your neck. Without even realising, you'd physically withdrawn from him, curling in on yourself, so preoccupied with the swollen hangnails you continued to tear into. He hated it.  
  
His hand slid out from between the bars, palm up and fingers relaxed. You hesitated, cruelly, until your heart reassured you that Eren would never hurt you. How wrong it was to think him capable of such a thing. The boy - man, now, you supposed - who swore to be your sword and shield, so you could one day see all the flora the world had to offer and give a name to each new colour personally.  
  
Your palm found its place on top of his and he sighed again, this time the sound seeming to expel all the pain and bubbling rage he'd been needlessly holding on to.  
  
"Please help me understand." You couldn't help it. Eren had been an open book from day one, motivations as transparent as glass, but now it felt like the pages had been stained by a gallon of ink, not a word legible.  
  
Finally you risked a look at his eyes. Soft. That recognizable sparkle of passion almost began to flicker to life amongst the ocean of green and blue once more, and you were overwhelmed with the feeling of coming home after a long day. You wouldn't be so pathetic as to cry now.  
  
"I need you to trust me," he spoke so softly you had to lean in closer to hear. "Please. I'm doing this for you."  
  
The lump in your throat wouldn't dissipate, no matter how hard you swallowed. He hated it when you cried; you had a feeling now would be no different. "Eren..."  
  
Another hand came through the bars, snaking around your neck and entangling itself into your hair, tilting your head back gently. His lips were on your own before you could formulate a full reponse, a small blessing really, so you fervently reciprocated the touch, pouring all your grief into one slow kiss. The catharsis of letting go made you feel a hundred pounds lighter.  
  
There was an unwillingness on both sides to pull away, the reality of not knowing if you'd ever have a moment like this again being too heavy a burden to bear. Against your will, a single stream slipped from your eye and he kissed it away before it passed your cheekbone.  
  
A jingle of keys and grating of a weighty door scraping against concrete broke the silence. Footsteps and a barking voice followed, shattering the illusion that if you closed your eyes and believed hard enough, you'd be thrown back in time to the innocence of early adolescence and the secluded hours spent lying under a sheet of stars, alone together.  
  
"Time's up."  
  
The hold on you tightened as you turned to leave, pinning you to the bars and his body by proxy. In his eyes was determination, sincerity.  
  
"No matter what happens, however this ends," Eren whispered, his words low and intended for your ears only, "know that I love you. Always."  
  
Those words, once so sweet and soothing to your tired soul, continued to follow you, haunt you, for years to come.


End file.
